1. |
nebraska
02:20
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simple girl in love with flashing lights and local aesthetics
you saw the coast was jagged but jumped in anyway
so i ignored your whines and complaints
give me a local to the jaw
i'll show you what it feels like to wire it shut
i'll be a monk until it heals but you won't know when
because I don't advertise my sunrises
stupid boy in awe of tunnels and bridges
i told you the winds weren't in your favor
but you stuck your sails up anyway
i couldn't hear your cries for help
bridge the gap between my teeth and tongue
i'll tell you again that I didn't ask
this isn't my fight
you know how to swim
lovestruck boy you marooned yourself
convinced yourself you were made to sink
cruel girl you built the bridge from the mainland
made eye contact
and turned around
stupid boy she is not the moon she only talks to it
you control your own tide
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2. |
grow
02:52
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smoke fills my lungs, i can’t recall
the last time i felt right
i walked down with bloodshot eyes
i was the witness to your atrocities
i was a casualty of your crimes
up from a daydream
i hear the raven
singing their graveyard songs with soft repine
this place was never as it seemed
you sacrificed your own kin
to fill the void she left behind
i’ll hold your hand in mine to make things feel right
you can try to outrun it
but you're caught between addictions
you can't stop hurting if you like the way your pain makes you feel
how it carves your body until you're the ghost in your own life
you want to grow?
you want to grow
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3. |
purgatory is a dull blue
02:16
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i act like i have you but i can feel you slipping away
i crossed rivers and borders and you stood still
maybe i'll rewrite this again in 6 months or maybe i'll grow out of it
i keep talking about what happened in Nebraska
but i'm sure you only think of the snow in California
i still think about that night sometimes but those are the days i wish i never left town
should i talk about the way stars poured out of your eyes or the how my lungs collapsed when i heard your voice call my name
can i tell you about the way you brought me back to life three times
should i talk about the way i can turn my walls into nebulas or how i reach for you when i'm on the edge of sleep
the world spins fast for plans you've made months in advance
while i get dizzy looking at the bar floor
i asked god for a way out and a man handed me a bottle of pills and wished me luck
told me this isn't an escape it's only a distraction
my body is an empty shell now but
you won't hear the ocean in me
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4. |
heaven is also blue
02:34
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at the bottom of another bottle
making myself forget my losses
covering the cuts made
by the blades i hid under the sink
i don’t believe in god anymore
because i know i’m not made in any god’s image
i’m no longer the one you raised
i raised myself from the ashes you left behind
i still feel the weight and i
still carry the burden you built
back strained for 2 years for something i didn’t deserve
you thought you had me beat
but i would have killed you
had you shown your face that night
you fucking coward
i'll never forgive you
you don't deserve closure
i'll make it haunt you until you die
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5. |
have you been happy?
02:50
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wonder eyes under yellow lights
you were all smiles and i hoped it’d last forever
i don’t know how this one ends yet
but i know i prefer you here so don’t be gone too long
i barely blinked and we were tripping
over bottles and strains of the seasons changing
eyes reflected glass green
dilated with each breath feeling colder than the last
you say you miss the old days
i still see you in rose but you only see in gray now
i kept the blinds drawn
but your eyes still mirror the clouds miles away, always windswept
find me again
in the back of the drawer you never open
carve the edges down
so it doesn’t hurt like it used to
i see your eyes in the sky now
it’s the same sun but it’s not warm anymore
have you been happy?
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